Daughter of Sheena 58

2015-11-23

Daughter of Sheena-58

Memories of Qadamkheyr Mohammadi Kanaan

Wife of Sardar Shaheed Haj Sattar Ebrahimi Hajir

Memory writer: Behnaz Zarrabizadeh

Tehran, Sooreh Mehr Publications Company, 2011 (Persian Version)

Translated by Zahra Hosseinian

Chapter eighteen

The next morning my father-in-law appeared. I was preparing breakfast. He said: “Last night I dreamed Sattar. I was confused in my dream. I said: ‘Sattar! Are you fine?’ he turned his head and said: ‘I’m Samad.’ I went forward to kiss him, but he disappeared.”

Then he cried and said: “I’ve missed my kid. He’s surely suffering into enemy territory with the infidel Baathist. I don’t know why he was annoyed; certainly he’s not in a good place.”

Wanting to make his father happy, Samad laughed and jokingly said: “No, Dad. In fact, he is in a good place. Sattar now is flying happily. I think he’s annoyed of you that disrupted our name like this.”

I gave Samad a dirty look and bit my lips. Samad changed his words and said: “Ok, he is annoyed of me that stole his name.”

He turned to me then and said: “even my wife is annoyed of me, is it right Qadamkheyr?”

I shrugged.

He said: “Whatever I ask her to practice call me Haji Sattar, she doesn’t accept. If one day you are informed that Haji Sattar have martyred, you must know it’s about your husband. Lest you say Mr. Sattar was my husband's brother and martyred some time ago.”

He said this and laughed. He wanted us to laugh, but we frowned. His father looked him angrily.

“It is all the fault of dad! What did you do to us and our names?” Samad said when he saw the situation.

My father-in-law said frowningly: “I didn’t do anything to you. Your name was ‘Samad’ from the very first. I went to the city to provide national identity card for all of you together, when Shamsollah and Sattar were born. It was the custom of that time and all the people did it the same. Some of the people, who didn’t send their children to school, provided ID card for their kids when they wanted to marry. It was the fault of stuff of General Register, who registered your name ‘Sattar’. I don’t know what was distracted him that even registered wrong date of birth for Shamsollah and Sattar, who were twins; so Shamsollah’s date of birth became 1337 and Sattar’s became 1344. When I wanted to enroll you and your brothers at school, they asked me who the oldest one is. I showed you. They said he’s Sattar. We enroll him for grade one, your other kids still very young for studying now. I tried very hard to correct your ID card, but I failed.”

Samad smiled and said: “It was very difficult early. I just stared at my teacher when he called ‘Sattar Ibrahim’. On the other hand, my friends and classmates called me Samad. I got confused badly. It took a very long time to get used to the situation.”

Samad again turned to me and said: “look, honey! Practice to call me Haji Sattar.”

I said: “don’t act like a spoiled child. Didn’t Haj Agha say that your name had been ‘Samad’ from the first?”

Samad didn’t continue anymore and said to his father: “dad! It is better you take a shower to become lively and vivid. I also have some works to do. As you come out of the bathroom, I am ready.”

My father-in-law agreed. I made breakfast and woke up Khadija and Masumah. I was giving breakfast to kids when Samad came and sat beside the spread.

He said: “Qadamkheyr!”

I looked at him. I was in no mood. He knew it. Whenever he wanted to go to the front, I was always annoyed and nervous.

He said: “I have a secret that I wanted to tell you before going.”

I looked at him in surprise.

As played with a piece of bread, he said: “at operation night I had told to Sattar to go into the third battalion. The first boat was ready to go to the other side of the river. I counted my soldiers. I saw an extra one. Whatever I asked who is the extra one; no one answered. I had to look and identify them one by one with a flashlight. Suddenly I saw Sattar. I went mad. I said him that I didn’t tell you to go to the third battalion. He began to beg and beg. I wish I was not convinced. I don’t know what happened, but I agreed and he came with us too.

How much hard we passed the Arvand that night. Under heavy fire, we proceeded into darkness and reached to the barbed wire of enemy’s territory. You can’t believe it, but we broke enemy’s line with very few numbers and waited for diver forces; but divers’ battalion could not break the line and come forward. We remained single-handed. The situation had been in such a way that we had stood face to face of Iraqis and fought with them by our guns from very close distance. Out of blue, Sattar called me. I went and saw his leg has been shot. I bandaged it with my keffiyeh and said: ‘bro! Hang on, till our forces got appeared.’

We fired with our guns so much that they had been very hot and burned my hands.

He showed me his hands, burn marks was still on them. I had seen them before, but he said nothing about it and I hadn’t asked too.

He said: “give me a cup of tea, please.” The sound of water was heard from the bathroom. Zahra and Mahdi were still asleep. Khadija and Masumah was looking their dad perplexed as they had their breakfast. I put the cup of tea next to him and asked: “What happened then?”

He said: “Iraqis sent their forces in groups and we had to fight with the same guns against them and defended ourselves. Under fire and on that situation, I heard Sattar’s voice again. I ran towards him, I saw he has clutched his arm this time. It badly injured. I bandaged his arm, kissed his face and said: ‘Bro! Lots of guys have been injured, hang on.’ I returned again. It was a bad situation. One by one, my troops were either martyred, or captured or injured. I saw Sattar drowned in blood when I heard his voice again. A grenade had been exploded in front of his foot and his body had been sprayed to the throat. I carried him piggyback and put him into the trench which was there. ‘Hang on, bro!’ I said, ‘I'll take you.' One of my guys, called Darvishi, had been injured too. I also carried him piggyback and got him into the same concrete trench of Iraqis. When I wanted to shoulder Sattar and took him back, Darvishi told me: ‘do you leave me alone, Haji? In God names, please take me too. Am I not of your force?’ I put Sattar down on the ground and went to Khairallah Darvishi. I was shouldering him when Sattar said: ‘come on! I’m your brother! Take me first. My situation is worse.’ It was a hard moment, very hard. I didn’t know what to do.”

Samad took his tea and without sugar drank it and said: “Qadamkheyr! I had been in dilemma. I did not know what to do. Finally, I decided and told them that I can only take one of you. You yourself say which one. This time both of them insisted. I went towards Sattar, kissed his face and said: ‘goodbye bro, forgive me. I had said to you not to go.’

He just wanted me to take after his daughters.

I said that do you want anything?

He said: ‘I’m thirsty.’

I took out my canteen to give him water, but it was empty, completely empty.”

Telling this, Samad put the cup of tea into the spread and said: “Qadamkheyr! After me, please tell these to my father. I know he can’t bear to hear them now, but he must know the truth.”

I said: “so, Sattar died a martyr like this?!”

He said: “No ... I was saying goodbye to him, kissing his face, when Iraqis reached in front of our trench and sprayed us with bullets. It was when I was shot and my shoulder wounded. There was a hole in the trench. I got out of it and dived into water. My fellow comrades say that Khairallah Darvishi has immediately captured and Iraqis shot Sattar up and he died a martyr thirsty.”

Then he stood up. I said: “sit and have your breakfast.”

He said: “"I have no appetite. Tell these to my parents verbatim after my martyrdom. Ask them forgive me, if I failed to save their son.”

Then turned to Khadija and Masumah and said: “sweethearts! Get up and let’s go to your school.”

As soon as Samad took kids, his father came out of bathroom. He ate his breakfast and got ready. Samad backed. “If you want to go, please go until kids are asleep.” I said, “Now they wake up and won’t let you to go.”

Samad was busy packing his hold-all, when Mahdi woke up, and then Somayeh and Zahra. He played a little with kids, then said goodbye. But Mahdi ran behind him. He knocked on the door and cried so much that Samad came back. He kissed and took him into another room. He put some toys in front of him. As soon as he was busy playing with them, Samad got up to go. This time, Somayeh ran behind him and don’t let him to go. My father-in-law was in the alley. Samad said: “call my dad and ask him to come in.”

My father-in-law came in and sat down on the stairs. Bored and annoyed, he grumbled continuously and called Samad.

Samad brought a stool. “I come close to forget.” He said, “Qadamkheyr, bring some blankets, I want to hang them behind the windows; last night was very cold. Also it is good for the state of red alert and observing blackout.”

Somayeh and Zahra and Mahdi had been busy playing. As though they had eased up that their dad won’t go. On the pretext of putting the stool under the staircase, and in such a way that kids don’t understand, Samad said goodbye and went.

A few minutes later, doorbell rang again. I said myself that what’s wrong with Samad today.

I opened the door and saw him behind it. I asked: “What's wrong?!”

He said: “I left my key ring.”

I went in and brought it for him. In the staircase, we were only a moment. He stepped forward, kissed my forehead, and said: “Qadamkheyr! Forgive me. These years I didn’t do anything for you but bothered you.”

As I wanted to say something, saw he has gone. I sat down there on the stairs and was sunk in thinking.

I had a heavy heart. I went to courtyard to bring oil. I took oil container from the corner of courtyard. It was heavy. I hauled it hardly toward balcony. It was cold. Snow was frozen in the yard. I had put on slippers. I was shivering. My children had stood up behind the window. They had drawn blanket aside and were looking at me. My eye fell on the Samad’s photo, which was on ledge, behind the drawn-aside blanket. It was next to the same Quran in which he had placed his will.

He said: “Whenever our kids missed me, show this photo to them.”

I don’t know why every time I looked at that photo, I had a turn; my heart sank, puffed me out and I felt all world’s sorrows in my heart. Looking at that photo brought thousands of bad idea and thoughts to my head. As I was picking up the oil container again to get it into the room, suddenly I slipped and fell on the ground.

The oil container had fallen over my foot and gave me lots of pain. I took it somehow. Pain was like a needle which was injected into my bone marrow. The children hit the glass. I couldn’t get up. I had sat down in the courtyard, into snow, and I couldn’t help my crying because of severe pain.

My left thumb nail was blackened. I felt weak. Fearing, my kids began to cry when they saw me on that situation. The same time my eye again fell on the photo. I did not want children see my tears. I bit my lips strongly not to burst into tears; but I cried out into my heart: “Samad! My darling! So, when you want to help your wife and children. When you want to be for us?”

My forehead was still warm due to his hot kiss.  I got up hardly and walked into the room.

Children were crying. I couldn’t quite them at all. On the other hand, I filled with pity for them. I got up hardly and took the photo from the niche. “Look, it is daddy,” I said, “see how daddy’s laughing.”

They quieted and sat down next to the photo. Mahdi kissed Samad’s photo. Somayeh also came forward, looked at Mahdi and kissed the photo like him. Zahra was touching gently the photo frame and repeating: ‘daddy, daddy’ with sweet-talking. Then she looked at me and laughed. Kids’ mouth and hands had stained the photo frame.

By hand, I clutched my thumb and pressed it firmly. I said to Somayeh: “bring a glass of water for mommy.”

I drank water and lay down there next to the kids; but I must get up. My kids needed lunch. I should wash Zahra’s clothes. I should gather breakfast spread.

It was near noon. I had to go to school and take Masumah and Khadijad home. I put some tangerines into a plate. Once the kids were busy peeling them, I got up out of their sight; throw my Chador over my head and went to take Masumah and Khadija, limping.