Daughter of Sheena 55

2015-11-2

Daughter of Sheena-55

Memories of Qadamkheyr Mohammadi Kanaan

Wife of Sardar Shaheed Haj Sattar Ebrahimi Hajir

Memory writer: Behnaz Zarrabizadeh

Tehran, Sooreh Mehr Publications Company, 2011 (Persian Version)

Translated by Zahra Hosseinian

The next day, near noon, some kids shouted in the yard: “Mr. Samad came. Mr. Samad arrived.”

The house was crowded by lots of guests. I ran into the courtyard. Samad had come; in what a situation! Thin and weak with tousled hair and black and emaciated face. I couldn’t bring myself to greet him in front of Sediqeh, or go ahead and say something. I hid behind a few people. I threw my Chador over my face and cried.

Sediqeh ran toward Samad. Crying and begging, she said: “Mr. Samad! Where’s Sattar? Where is your brother, Mr. Samad?”

Samad sat on the edge of flowerbed, put his hand on his face, as if he couldn’t take it anymore. And burst into tears. I felt pity for him.

 Sediqeh howled and begged him: “Mr. Samad! Weren’t you the commander of Sattar, now how could I answer to his children? They say, uncle why you didn’t take care of our dad?”

Everyone who had stood in the courtyard began to cry by hearing her words. Sediqeh called her children and said: “Somayeh! Leila! Come here, your uncle Samad has come. He’s brought your dad.”

I sorrowed for Samad. I knew that he can’t bear these words and lots of heartaches. I couldn’t tolerate this situation. I ran into room and cried with a loud voice. For Samad, I was sad and my heart went out to him in his sorrow. I grieved for Sediqeh and her children. I felt sorry for Sediqeh. Samad was left very lonely. I heard the voice of people’s crying from courtyard. I looked out of the window. Samad had still sat next to the flowerbed. I wished to go and sit next to him and consoled him. I knew that Samad is lonelier than ever. Why did not anyone think of Samad? I couldn’t stand anywhere. I went back into the courtyard. My mother-in-law had sat in front of Samad. She put her head on his feet, crying and asked: “Samad! Hadn’t I entrusted your brother to you?”

Samad was still looking down and crying. Men came forward, took under Samad’s arm and brought him into the room. I went ahead and helped others for taking my mother-in-law, sister-in-law, and Sediqeh into the room.

Among people’s saying, I noticed that Sattar’s body was left in enemy’s territory. Although Samad could bring Sattar’s body, but he hadn’t brought it.

That's why my mother-in-law was upset and continuously cried and said: “Samad! Why you didn’t bring my child?”

Late at night, when the house became quiet, Samad came into our room. He sat in front of his mother, kissed her hand and said: “Mom! Forgive me. I could bring your Sattar, but I didn’t; because my other brother's corpse also had fallen on the ground, other than Sattar’s. They also were sons of their mothers. They also had brothers and sisters. If I had brought Sattar’s body, how then I would answer to the mothers of martyrs on the Day of Judgment. If I had brought Sattar’s body, how then I would answer to the brothers and sisters of martyrs on the Day of Judgment.” He said and cried. I only then realized the back of his shirt is bloody. In sign language I said to my sister-in-law: “It seems Samad has injured.”

Samad was wounded, but didn’t let anyone know. He changed his clothes. His sister said: “His shoulder is bandaged, it’s like he has a deep bleeding wound.” However, he didn’t rest. He did everything he could for holding a decent ceremony for Sattar.

It was the third day. On those few days, I couldn’t speak with Samad even once. We faced each other, but I was ashamed of Sediqeh and tried to get away from Samad, lest I break Sediqhe and her children’s heart, unwanted. Also, I asked my sister to take care of my children. I was afraid if Samad would hug his kids and show his affection to them, then Sediqeh’s children see it and grieve.

In the afternoon of the third day, my sister's daughter came and said: “Uncle Samad wants to see you.”

I couldn’t breathe properly, as if I wanted to see him for the first time. My heart was thumping, so that I thought it was coming out of my chest. He had stood in the courtyard. I looked down as he said hello. He greeted me and asked: “Are you fine? Where are the kids?!”

I said: “I'm fine. Kids are in my sister's house. Are you ok?”

He looked up and said: “Thank God!”

I didn’t say anything else. I didn’t know why I got embarrassed. I felt guilty. I thought: “Now that Sattar has martyred and Sediqeh is in mourning, how I can stand next to my husband and talk to him in front of all.” Samad didn’t say anything either. As he was going toward the room, returned and said: “Let’s go together to see our kids, after dinner. I’ve missed them.”

After dinner he called me. In a way that Sediqeh wouldn’t realize, I got ready and came into the courtyard and out of my folks’ sight, I ran into the alley.

Samad followed right behind me in the alley and said: “Why do you run?”

I said: “I don’t want Sediqeh see me next to you. She grieves.”

He sighed and muttered: “Oh, Sattar, Sattar! We missed you a lot!”

While I had a lump in my throat, I said: “Don’t you say that dying a martyr requires competence. So, Sattar also got the reward of his good actions. Good for him.”

Samad nodded and said: “You’re right. I cry, but the bottom of my heart is calm. I think Sattar is in a nice and comfortable place. I should grieve for myself.”

I was agonizing and feeling sorry for Sediqeh’s children. But I wanted to reduce Samad’s sorrows. “Lucky him, I wish he intercedes on us.” I said.

As soon as we got to my sister's house, kids ran toward Samad as they saw him. Mehdi was in his arms and didn’t want to go down. Somayeh also played coy for him. Khadija and Masumah kissed his hand and head. I looked at Samad and kids, and wept. Samad glanced at me and as if has read my mind, said: “I wish we had brought Sattar’s daughter, Somayeh. Poor kid is grieving very much.”

I said: “Yeah, she understands everything, Mashallah. I felt more pity for her than Leila. Leila is still very young. I don’t think she know her father properly.”

Suddenly, Samad let the kids go and got up. “Let’s take Somayeh to Hamadan for a while; Maybe she less grieves.” He said.