Daughter of Sheena (52)

2015-10-17

It happened as what Samad had said; pilgrimage changed my mood completely. In themornings I would go to the shrine, pray the ones which were not said at the proper time, and I was engaged in prayer and pilgrimage. Sometimes, we would regret halfway, when leaving the shrine and getting back to the hotel. We could not bring ourselves to leave there, so we would return to the shrine again.

One day, as I had sat there and let my eyes rest on the shrine, suddenly noticed a crowd entered the shrine who shouted la ilaha illa'llah. They were slowly carrying several coffins and sprinkling rose-water and throwing flowers toward the coffins. I found out they were martyrs of Mashhad whose funeral were supposed to be hold that day, when I asked around. I do not know how I remembered Samad and were close to tears. I asked my mother-in-law to take after my babies and then joined to the crowd carrying the coffins. All the time Samad’s face was in my sight, but whatever I did, I couldn’t pray for him. I remembered he had told: “God! Please help me to be a good human.” I couldn’t bring myself to pray like that. In my opinion Samad was a good man. I stood in a corner and looked at the coffins which were moved by people’s hand. There was a strange sadness on that scene that transformed me. I stood there until the martyrs' Tawaf was over. Suddenly I saw there were a few people around the shrine. Until that day I had never able to reach my hand to it, then, I saw myself very close to it. I clutched the shrine firmly, and as I wept, I said: “O Imam Reza! You know what is going on in my heart. I entrust my life to you. Please put on my way whatever you prefer for me.” Everything I did, I couldn’t roll off my tongue to pray Samad. Suddenly I felt calm. It was as if I had no sorrow. Gradually people crowded and badly pushed. Hardly, I came out among the crowd. The smell of incense and rose-water filled the sanctuary. I took my babies from my mother-in-law and we came out of the shrine.

We went to Reza Market. Just like that, out of blue, we decided to do all our shopping and also purchase souvenirs. Although Somayeh was in my arms and bothered me, but we bought whatever we wanted and came back to the hotel.

On the third day, we had just returned from a shrine to hotel and were eating lunch, when one of in-charge women came to our desk and said: “Mrs. Mohammadi! You should come back Hamadan sooner than us.”

I got a fright and felt giddy. I lost my nerve. I thought of Samad and kids. “What's wrong? Anything has happened?” I asked.

The woman, who understood talked badly and really scared me, began to apologize. I was really shocked. Stammering, I asked: “Something happened for my mom? Happened for my kids? Lest my husband ...?”

She took my hand and said: “No, Mrs. Mohammadi, nothing has happened. In fact, your husband himself phoned. He said that it has been scheduled to visit Mecca this week. He wanted you to go back earlier, so can do their works.”

From a pitcher on the table, she poured water for me. I felt better when I drank it.

 The next day, we had a flight back to Tehran. A new Paykan was waiting for us at the airport. Paykan was one of the best cars then. We rode it with lots of honor and respect, and then went to Hamadan. Reaching to the alley in which our house was located, we saw the front of door was swept and water was sprinkled. Samad had stood by the door and Khadija and Masumah were also next to him. He came to welcome us and took our hold-alls from the trunk and hugged babies. He had spread a carpet on the balcony and washed courtyard. Flower bed had been sprinkled and the small number of flowers had been spread. He had placed a Samovar on the corner of balcony. He poured a cup of tea and brought us candies and fruits. Thrilled by seeing me, kids sat down on my feet. Samad sat between me and his mother and whispered in my ear: “We may live with, but cannot live without ‘em.”

Sooner than that I thought of, his work was done and he was about to visit Mecca. When he was going, I wept and said: “Unfair! At least take me with yourself to this place.”

He said: “Don’t worry. You’ll visit too. It is as if it’s not to be together.”

To be continued…