Daughter of Sheena (39)

Behnaz Zarrabizadeh

Daughter of Sheena-39
Memories of Qadamkheyr Mohammadi Kanaan
Wife of Sardar Shaheed Haj Sattar Ebrahimi Hajir
Memory writer: Behnaz Zarrabizadeh
Tehran, Sooreh Mehr Publications Company, 2011 (Persian Version)
Translated by Zahra Hosseinian

It was near noon. I was cooking food when Samad called me. It was clear that he felt ill. “Qadamkheyr! My shoulder gives me a lot of pain.” He said, “Come here and see what has happened.”
I rolled his blouse up. His back had been black and blue in the size of a five Toman coin; so seeing it causes extreme grief in me. I remembered that it may be the residual of shrapnel of that grenade, when he was fighting with hypocrites (MKO members).
I said: “It’s the shrapnel of that grenade.”
He said: “Go and bring a hot safety pin.”
I said: “What do you want to do? Don’t touch it. Let’s go to the doctor.”
He said: “Because of this tiny shrapnel? So far I’ve extracted a dozen of them the same way. Nothing happened. Go and bring a hot safety pin.”
I said: “Your back has been infected.”
He said: “Qadamkheyr! Please, go soon. It’s give me a lot of pain.”
I stood up and went. I held a safety pin over gas flame until it became very hot.
He said: “Now, thrust it under that bruise, so that it meets to the shrapnel. Feeling it, you put the safety pin under it and pull it out.”
I closed the safety pin to his skin, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. “Here,” I said, “I can’t. You yourself pull it out.”
In tantrum he said: “I'm in pain, you can’t tolerate? Qadamkheyr! Come on, I'm dying of pain.”
Again I closed safety pin to the bruise on his back. But again I couldn’t stand. I said: “I can’t. In God’s name, Samad get it and you yourself pull it out like previous shrapnel.”
I went to the courtyard. Children were playing. I sat down next to the flower bed and stared to a cherry sapling which was growing little by little.
Shortly after, I came into the room. I saw that Samad has held a mirror in his hand and stood in front of the mirror in hall and with a safety pin he was cracking the wound on his back. He knitted his brows and bit his lips. Clearly he was in pain. Suddenly he cried and said: “I think it comes out. Qadamkheyr! Come here and see.”
Blood was dripping from the wound. There was pus around the wound. A small black thing was struck out. I took handkerchief from his hand and picked it up. I said: “This is it.”
He said: “That’s it. Damn it!”
Deeply I got upset. I made boiling water and cleaned the wound well. But I couldn’t bring myself to look at it. I had closed my eyes, and sometimes I half-opened one of them and to clean up around the wound. It had been hollowed and sunk in the size of a five Toman coin and it was bleeding. I said myself this way isn’t good. So I went and brought Savlon and cleaned the wound. It was just then that Samad moaned and pain forced him to jump up. I dressed the wound. My hands were shaking. He looked at me and said: “Why have you turned pale?!”
I rolled his blouse down. He smiled and said: “See my wife. I’m in pain, and then she faints.”
I helped him to lie down. On his right hand, He lay down sideways. Children had come into the room and were playing noisily. Mahdi had woken up and was crying. As if he was hungry. I looked at Samad. He had fallen asleep so soon, calm and comfortable; as if he hadn’t slept a hundred years.
Samad couldn’t leave house for ten days due to his injury. After that, he had to walk around with cane for a while. His friend picked him up afternoons and went to visit the families of martyrs. Sometimes he went to mosques and schools and lectured for people and students. He related the front situation for them and encouraged them to go to the front. First of all he had begun from his family. His brother, Sattar had been sent to the zone a few months. Always and everywhere they were together. Recently, Mr. Sattar was married. However, he didn’t leave the front off.
About twenty days passed from Samad’s injuring. One morning he wore his uniforms and took his hold-all. I said: “Where do you go?!”
- “The front.”
I had dropped my jaw in astonishment. I could not believe it. Doctor had recommended at least three months of rest for him.
I said: “With this state?!”
He smiled and said: “How am I?! I’ve become lame or limping. Today I feel better than ever.”
I said: “Still you’ve not gotten better.”
Limping he went next to the babies and sat down. All three were asleep. He bent down and kissed their foreheads. Then he got up and took his cane which was leaned against the wall.
Quickly I ran toward the door before he arrived there. I extended my hands and placed them on the frame and said: “I don’t let you go.”
He came forward, stood chest to chest and said: “What are you doing?! You aren’t shamed.”
I said: “I'm not. It is impossible to let you to go.”
He frowned and said: “Why are you doing like this? You didn’t behave this way before.”
I felt like crying, I said: “To this day I’ve tolerated every hardship, living in this city without any help and along with three little babies just for the sake of you. Really I’ve borne all of them for the sake of you. For you wanted. This is because you were comfortable this way. I said nothing whenever you went, whenever you came. But today, I stand in front of you and don’t let you go. Always, I sacrificed my right and my children’s; but this time your health is involved. I don’t let you go. I don’t sacrifice your right. Even I don’t want to sacrifice my children’s right. They want Daddy. I don’t let you put your health at risk. What we can do, if your foot infect.”
Coolly he said: “Nothing, what can we do? We amputate it, throw it away.”
His indifference made me go mad. I said: “Samad!”
He said: “Yep, honey!”
I said: “Go sit down. Whenever your doctor allows you, I allow you too.”
He leaned on his cane and said: “Qadamkheyr! All these years you bothered a lot and were patient and grew up our babies. You were very kind to me and children, thank you. Don’t be a fair-weather friend. Don’t lose your divine reward. Look, the very first day I saw Imam Khomeini I swore that to be his soldier and accept everything he told me. Surely you remember? Now, Imam has commanded of Jihad, he said to defend of our country and religion. I've accepted it. Don’t want to become disgraced.”
I said: “Ok, but whenever you get better.”
He said: “Qadamkheyr! I swear to God I’m fine. You haven’t seen how my fellow warriors come to the front with amputated feet, with one hand and not complain. I’m Ok.”
I said, "You do not like your family at all.”
He turned away and didn’t say anything. Limping he went to the corner of hall and sat down, said: “You’re right. I’ve not done things that I must to do for you. But God knows I’ve always loved you and I do.”
I said: “No, more than us you love Imam and the front.”
Getting confused, he said: “Qadamkheyr! Why have you become like this today?! Why are you teasing me?”
Out of blue, I said: “Because I love you.”
This was the first time that I said it.
I saw he put his head on his knees and shed bitter tears. I myself felt ill too. I went to the kitchen and sat down at a corner and cried my eyes out. Later he came next to me limping. He put his hand on my shoulder and said: “Qadamkheyr! Honey, all my life long I had waited to hear it. Why now? I wish you hadn’t said it in this last moment. I love you too. But what can I do? Our duty is something else.”
He hesitated slightly, as if he was thinking. He had gotten caught between going and not going. But suddenly he said: “I’ve left some money on the ledge for two or three months of your expenses. Be less sorrowful. Care for children. Take care of Mahdi. He is the man of home.”
He continued: “If you really love me, then don’t let me to break the promise I gave it to the Imam. Help me to keep it until the last moment. If you only love me a little bit, promise to help me.”
I promised and said: “I’ll do.”
I stepped aside from his way and he went with his lame foot. I promised him, but I was shattering from inside. I could not stand. We had a small-size Qur'an. I picked it up and ran into the alley. I put the Quran in his shirt pocket. I held his arm and took him up the street. I took a taxi for him. When he got on the car it was like everything in the street and alley collapsed and fell on my head. I cried all the way back.

To be continued…