Ahmad Ahmad Memoirs (75)

Edited by Mohsen Kazemi

Ahmad Ahmad Memoirs (75)
Edited by Mohsen Kazemi
Soureh Mehr Publishing Company
(Original Text in Persian, 2000)
Translated by Mohammad Karimi

Freedom and Boycott Delusion
In my previous imprisonments, despite all the tortures and interrogations and trails, I hoped to be free and continue my struggle. But this time it was different; no tortures, no interrogations, no trails and no hope. I was mixed up mentally and quite depressed. My body was so weak and my legs were hurt. Uncertainty about my fate and also Fatima conditions had occupied my mind and bothering me.
They took me to the interrogation room but there was no sign of threat, torture or beating. They just advised me (as they would say it) and sometimes promising my freedom. I did not know the reason behind this behavior and floundering in ambiguity. Finally I found out that I had been under the protection of Red Cross and Human Rights Committee. Later Haj Agha Mohammad Mehrayeen told me: “Then I was in UK for medical treatment. I heard in the news that Ahmad had been arrested after a street fight. He had been hurt from his leg and he may lose his legs. He had been denailed and heavily tortured. So, Muslim Students Abroad in UK gave your name to the Red Cross; and they wanted to find and interview you and pursue your fate improve your conditions.” Then I was not aware of the attempts made by my friends abroad. So, the behavior of SAVAK to me was somehow strange to me.
It seems after being informed about my condition, Red Cross would refer to SAVAK and ask for a visit with me. So, SAVAK changed its behavior to me into a better one to project a rational figure. These attempts were just for making a background in mind to tell Red Cross that they have had Kind (!) and humane (!!) behavior.
It was about March or April of 1977 that four people from Red Cross along with a translator and doctor came to visit me. They wanted to write a report about my situation. SAVAK asked them to visit me in the interrogation room. I said that I won’t come there; if they want, they can come to my room.
They came to my room. They sent all out and closed the door. They began talking without the agents’ presence. At first, they promised they would not transfer anything they hear from me to SAVAK. They checked all my body; eyes, ears, nose, mouth and … my heartbeat. They checked my back and body. It seemed they were looking for the signs of tortures and slashes. I asked them: “Where were you when they were torturing me? You are checking my body at the time that all signs have wiped out. Now I have disabled legs and this is the reason that they have not tortured me this time.” I explained the story of the street fight and the hurt to my leg and the process of medical ill-treatment and surgery in the hospital. The translator would translate what I was saying. The doctor checked different places of my legs and wrote down important points.
When the Red Cross people asked me about torture, I said: “This time, I have not been tortured. But I wished if you could visit me in 1972 & 1973 when they tortured me to death. If you are looking for torture signs ask to visit Mr. Lahouti.” I gave them the name and address of Lahouti. However, they have taken him away somewhere else the night before.
Red Cross activities in those years had forced SAVAK to behave reactionary in some cases. So, the prisoners had wiped out the color from the window glasses and it was possible to see inside prison. Books and papers were available inside cells. The force of pressures and tortures had decreased. But outside the prison it was reverse. SAVAK was pursuing the political activists and strugglers very seriously and would try to hit them in the streets before being arrested and imprisoned. This way they would have fewer problems.
Some days after the visit with Red Cross on July 2, 1977, one day the agents came and led me to the interrogation room. There, they gave me a suit and trousers and told me to go with them. I whispered to myself: “Oh God! Where they are taking me?” Then they closed my eyes and moved. There were two possibilities: execution or visiting a governmental figure. Three cars were riding one after the other.
When the car was moving, they had bent my head toward the front seat while my eyes and hands were closed. We stopped somewhere. When they opened my eyes I found myself in 24 Esfand (Enghelab). They got me out of the car and gave my crutches. They talked on wireless some sentences and then got on the car and left me while simpering at me.
I was shocked. I did not know what they wanted to mean by such action. I thought they were making fun of me or it was a joke or fun. Minutes passed. I looked around if I could see them; but they were gone. It was quite meaningless to me. I was thinking of being executed by death squad few minutes ago and then I was free! I was suspicious about them. I thought they may shoot me in the street and then announce that I had been shot dead while escaping.
I was worried. I check few steps on my left and right to make sure if they were seeking me or not. After twenty minutes I stopped a taxi. It stood. I was suspicious if it was a SAVAK car or not; anyway I got in it. When it reached Lashgar Crossroads I asked the driver to stay there for me that I could go home and fetch him the money. He looked at me and my crutches few seconds and then went.
When I reached home, my Mum ran to the door of the yard when hearing my voice. She could not believe that I was back. She hesitated a moment, looked around the house and became sure that nobody was after me. Then she hugged and kissed and took me inside the house.
My Mum was so excited and I was thinking about what had happened to me sadly. My Mum said: “Ahmad! You are free now. Why are you sad then?” I could not explain for her. I wanted to know why I was freed. I was so worried. I was confused what the people would think about me? If they would say that I had cooperated with SAVAK and then being freed?!! Or I was a sacrifice for a plot?! However, I calmed myself by saying: “A clear conscience fears no accusers!”
My Mum told all the family and friends that was freed without telling me before. It was about 9 o’clock at night that somebody called on the phone. When I picked up the speaker I heard the voice of my brother Haj Mahdi. The news had spear so fast! I told him: “What an activist you are?! They chase and find you now! Do not talk more than 3 minutes.” He said: “Don’t worry. Take it easy! They may not find me at all. I call you tomorrow again!” I said: “Brother! You are insane!” He said: “Don’t worry. Just tell me what has happened?” I narrated the events so short in few sentences implicitly.
I could not sleep that night. I was thinking about the events that had happened to me; thinking about how I lost my sweet home and wife and how I fired my garden of wishes and dreams? And thinking if the regime would survive with all those tyrannies or the struggles would end in happiness?