Ahmad Ahmad Memoirs (62)

Edited by Mohsen Kazemi

Ahmad Ahmad Memoirs (62)
Edited by Mohsen Kazemi
Soureh Mehr Publishing Company
(Original Text in Persian, 2000)
Translated by Mohammad Karimi

Separation from MKO

Hopeless about me, MKO decided to do something else. It was about October 1975 that one day my wife went out to buy something. We were still in Gorgan Street. It took time more than usual. When she was back she said that she had met a familiar young man about 20 from her previous neighborhood near the bakery and in order to make him confused about the route that she had been going she had gone through misleading way. However, she was still stressful and worried. She believed that young man might have chased her.
Iraj said that he might have had reported the matter to the police office or SAVAK and we had to evacuate that house. He said: “Our sister (Shapourzadeh) has a place to go; me too. Khosrow! You should go to the team-house which you are in contact with…” I noticed that he was specifying the safe place for all except me. I asked: “What about me?!” He said: “Shapour! You stay here. We hope nothing would happen. Let’s see what goes on!!” I understood what he meant. Iraj was hopeful that I would be arrested by SAVAK if stay there and this way they would also solve their problem with me.
They went out. I did not know what to do. I was confused for some moments. Silent shadowed over the house. Suddenly I made mind and collected my needed things, locked the door and came out. This way I came out of MKO. It was a strange feeling. I was full of stress and worry. I was scared not for my destiny but about my wife and children’s. I started to walk while crying and whispering to God and thinking what a destiny the Lord had written for me.
…That day was a dark one me. When I put my things in the house that I had rented in Mo’ezzussoltan Street, I could not tolerate staying at home anymore and came out. I was traipsing around aimlessly. I was feeling a pain. Time was dreadfully passing fast. I could not tolerate the pain of separation from Fatima and my kids. I was continuously criticizing myself about why I did not take care of Fatima and this and that.

The descent of Fatima

I married Fatima Fartoukzadeh in October 1974 to be partners in all happy or sad events of our life. It was about ten days from our life that I was imprisoned for a month. She was so patient about all the financial hardships of life and never complained.
When I joined MKO, she accompanied me. She voluntarily accepted the secret life and accepted sensitive roles which were turning points in her life. She found her capabilities in organizational activities. She made a good progress in finding safe team-houses in a way that she became an instructor for finding team-houses. When MKO understood her deep dependence to me, it decided to separate us for its own benefit. By talking about the necessity of independence in thought and mind for Fatima and discussing the theory of women’s independence from men on the road of struggle against the regime, they baselessly were trying to make us alien to each other. The alienation theory was intensified after the Ideology Change. Considering the possibility of my opposition against MKO, they began creating an unreal personality for Fatima. MKO leaders made a hollow personality for Fatima and convinced her that she was able to go on her way without her husband.
Those last days, were horrible ones when I was losing Fatima; the days that she was sinking in the deadly dirty whirlpool of MKO and I wanted to save her and she would not accept.
On those final days that I was losing my breath in news and contact boycott, whenever I had a chance to talk to her, I would whisper with Fatima. She would listen to me and show her agreement. However, one night being away from me was enough for her to change her mind quite opposite.
Fatima would say: “Ahmad! Think! There is a no way out of the way we have passed behind. We should finish it. How? It is not important. The main point is to struggle against the imperialism.” And I would answer her: “Fatima! Why should I fight against imperialism if there should not be any concern about Islam?! This is Islam that had obliged us to struggle against imperialism and colonialism. When you are not a believer, it does not make any difference that who governs you!” And she would answer: “They say that they want to free people from imperialism. They want to save workers from being exploited and create a Commune. They believe one day a workers’ Commune will conquer the world and the workers’ rise will be everywhere.” I would say: “Dear Fatima! It was Islam which defended the workers for the first time and highly values his work. They are using these slogans to hoax us. They are chasing their own benefit and not thinking about anything except their own power. Why should we be a step for them to go forward?”
During this kind of discussions she would never say anything of her own and always would quote what they had said. Until the last day that she was with me and till the day I came out of MKO, she would say her prayers and keep her veil (hijab) and would do all her religious duties. However, MKO had deeply worked on her mind. Although she had not lost her religious believes, but she would see her life in obeying MKO strategies. MKO had made them believe wherever they go they are in danger of SAVAK entrapment and without MKO security covering, they would not be saved even for 24 hours. So, Muslim comrades, particularly women, would feel a serious loneliness.
Fatima took the way that I had always scared of. She had reached to the point that she would think that separation from MKO was equal to be dead. She believed that she could save the kids and me by staying in MKO.
Once she went to visit her mother, she would ask her: “I’ve heard you have separated from Ahmad and become a Marxist?!” Fatima would answer: “Mum! I have my own believes but for saving the life of Ahmad and my kids I have to stay in MKO.”
Later I heard MKO had been planning my assassination and Fatima had opposed and told them: “There is no use of killing Ahmad. What’s the problem with his freedom and being in struggle against the regime? Isn’t it your goal to fight the regime? Let him live in a way that he likes.
And this way, Fatima went forever…!